Friday, November 5

Far East Movement - Like A G6 ft. The Cataracs, Dev

Brodie and I have a new thing we do called "Song of the Day." I frequently go to to see what's hot in the music world and he enjoys listening to them as well. So we started doing this "Song of the Day" and I figured I would let you guys in on what's hot (at least in the opinion of a 4 year old).

Today's song of the day:

Thursday, November 4

Two years ago today . . .

SO two years ago today was when Krystal and I found out that we had lost the baby my wife was 17 weeks pregnant with. It was the hardest time of our lives for sure and to be perfectly transparent it still is.

The awesome thing is how God was there in the middle of all the pain. It is a weird dichotomy that I lived in as I struggled with God how he was the only one who could have prevented our pain and at the same time was the greatest source of comfort during it all.

The hardest part about losing a child is that no one ever talks about it and so you feel so alone in your pain. Luckily Krystal and I had each other but honestly no one really knows what to say. We had a few friends really try and love on us and that was awesome. Then we had people say ALL KINDS of dumb stuff trying to "help" because honestly there isn't anything that can be said to ease the pain or make sense of it all.

But just to give you guys a heads up in case you are in that spot again with someone, DO NOT say the following: (btw if you said one of these it's cool, we know it's hard to come up with something)

- "God must have needed more angels in heaven." = this is just mean. It would mean that God would cause extreme suffering to those he loves because he doesn't have enough playmates in heaven.

- "The soul will pass to your next baby" = This is just weird to me. It would indicate that God only has a limited amount of souls and so he needs to recycle. Just kinda strange really.

-"Don't worry this too will pass." = This just shows you have NO IDEA what degree of pain they are going through AND it's a lie, at some level it never passes.

SO anyhow, hope that helps. Really the best thing you can say is nothing, at most perhaps just say you don't know what to say but you are there for them. We had quite a few friends use these last two and while they don't ease the pain they show sincerity and love, which is all they need at the moment. I thank God for the people he brought into our lives who took the time to try and help (whether good or bad) and we had so many people help us get through the beginning.

The part I am thankful for is that I am able to use that painful experience to help so many other hurting people since then. I had a friend once tell me that you are not fully past (even though it's never really completely gone) the pain until you can thank God for it. At first I thought he was an idiot but now I can say with a degree of honesty to God "Thank you." It's a hard thank you for sure but I can say it now. Because of being able to help others, because of what he revealed about himself through the process to me and because, as my wife pointed out, we would never have had Tristan had it not happened. (Krystal was pregnant with Tristan 2 months after losing our baby). Hope that whatever painful experience you have had to go through that one day you too will be able to look back and say "Thank you." It's a long hard road and a very tough "Thank you" for sure but getting there is part of healing.

So thanks to everyone to walked the road with us. You're friendship will never be forgotten. And if you ever know someone who is going through this you can always put them in contact with us if they have no one else to talk to who has been there.